We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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