i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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