He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I party with great urgency now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize