I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All the doctor said was why
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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