do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
