Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
