I'm lost and stupid without you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
