He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
