no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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