You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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