No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
