My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
