Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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