Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
