we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
