Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
