sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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