Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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