I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
