I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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