If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
