Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
