Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
