Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
