do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
