I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
