i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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