I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize