You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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