paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
