first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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