Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am puke
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
