the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So many bounce houses so little time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
