That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mom said you looked used
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
