terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
