Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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