you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
