i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
