idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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