1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
