I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
