Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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