he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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