I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
