I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
