I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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