I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
