You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
