anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
