your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
