His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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