NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
