when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
