hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
