I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
