i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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