I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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