ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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