We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
