there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
