That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
