I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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