did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
