I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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