We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
