I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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