he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
