You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
