I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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