Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
