So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
