Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
